Bathroom Wisdom
well, CAN YOU???
Thursday, August 2, 2012
I feel like I am being drug along on a roller coaster. Being a caretaker of a loved one who is sick is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I don't mean to take away from what my beautiful hubby is having to suffer through; but when you can't feel what they are feeling, or think how they are thinking, it is hard to fully understand how to be supportive and know when to back off or step up. He is not very "body aware" so it is hard to get him to explain symptoms or even pain. I have been the go between on the phone numerous times to the doctor's office because he doesn't want to complain or doesn't know how to explain what he is feeling. We don't know if this is normal for his treatment, or whether to worry that it is something else. I am having a hard time dealing with bouts of depression. I get hopeful on days he seems to do well, and plunge into the depths on other days. I thought when treatment was finished it would be a steady (albeit slow) uphill process with each day (week) getting back to more normal. If I could only take on some of his symptoms and relieve his discomfort once in awhile it would help. I feel like "I" need a keeper and that makes me feel guilty, which triggers the depressions. I know no one ever promised life would be a bed of roses, but right now all I am feeling are the thorns. I have to keep in my mind that everything is for a reason, and that reason is for the soul's best interest. It is hard to look objectively when day to day seems so oppressive. I must keep the light and the positive going. It is the only way to have the outcome be positive. I have come to realize I am not as strong as I always thought I was. I am having to lean on a higher power for my strength. Maybe that is my lesson. I am NOT in charge.........yet in some ways I AM in control because I have to choose to NOT react.....but act in a forward direction. It seems everything I thought I understood and believed is in a state of utter confusion. It all makes sense until you are in the midst of a crisis that seems to be spinning out of control. I had to put thoughts down just to cope with the day.
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Bless you dear one! I cannot imagine how difficult caring for someone you love under these circumstances would be but your love and devotion DO matter to David's recovery, health, and very life. Most men are not as "body aware" as we could be or as women are but that's part of being male - we're wired differently for a reason, though that makes things more difficult in times like these. In situations where we have little to zero control it's normal to feel frustration and even depression at times - when we really care then we wish we could do something, anything, to "fix" the problem or at least materially help make it better. But, believe me, really caring (loving) does make it better! God honors loving devotion to our spouse and that combined with our trust in Him will work miracles. Brief allegory - imagine a little girl crying over a favorite doll that's broken and handing it to her Dad to fix. But she doesn't want to let go of the doll because she loves it so much. Dad won't be able to fix the doll though unless she lets go and gives it to Him. Sometimes it's very hard to trust God and put our beloved in His hands because we care and love so very much, but He can't do what only He able to do until we let go and trust Him. It's in times like these that we draw closer to and are more dependent on God than any others in life and that pleases Him because He wants us to experience His love for us and depend on Him. Very happy for you and David - you made it!! Blessings to both of you always...
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