Depression.......I am drowning in it.  I now can more understand why my mother took her own life.  This totally sucks and when you try to figure out why or what triggered it............There is no answer.  You try to put on a good face to people and no one knows...yet you are mired in this pit of dark black negativity.  I cry for no reason.  It's like all I can see are the bad memories and the good ones get wiped out.  I dream still of all the bad things from years and years ago that I should be over by now.  Scared of my own self and feel so totally alone...but always have I guess.  Or is that the depression talking?  I don't know anymore.  I am not in a healthy or good place right now.