Well,  am a little freaked out at the moment.  I am getting more intuitive as to things around me.  The really big thing was the dreaming of a doctor's name 3 years before my hubby ever was diagnosed with cancer.  Kept waking up with this name on my mind...no face, just a name on and off for 3 years prior to his diagnosis.  When we were given the name of some oncologists....wow, there in black and white on a pice of paper was THE NAME.    Well, this doctor saved my husband's life.  I am forever grateful and now more than ever look for signs and trust them.   Last nite, actually early morning at 5:30am, I awoke and got out of bed starting down the hallway.  Right in front of me was a round neon green translucent light with a darker round center.  It was located about a foot above the floor and at the entrance to another bedroom.  I stood and stared at it...then realized I needed to get my glasses for  better look.  I went back into the bedroom and got my glasses, when it was no longer there.  Figuring it may be a reflection from an electronic digital readout like on a cable box, digital clock...I went looking throughout the house for an explanation....No digital readouts were green, and none of them were anywhere that they could have cast a reflection down the hall.  Let me also make it clear that I have blackout curtains on all bedroom windows so it could not have come from the outside.  I was not in a dreamy, semi conscious state.  I was well awake.  This is the first time I have ever had an encounter like this.  I have gotten glimpses out of the corner of my eye of things, heard noises, etc.   Nothing like this....WOW

Depression.......I am drowning in it.  I now can more understand why my mother took her own life.  This totally sucks and when you try to figure out why or what triggered it............There is no answer.  You try to put on a good face to people and no one knows...yet you are mired in this pit of dark black negativity.  I cry for no reason.  It's like all I can see are the bad memories and the good ones get wiped out.  I dream still of all the bad things from years and years ago that I should be over by now.  Scared of my own self and feel so totally alone...but always have I guess.  Or is that the depression talking?  I don't know anymore.  I am not in a healthy or good place right now.