Every day before I go out the door I say a simple little prayer:

Lord, Guide my feet
Direct my eyes
Choose my route
Show me signs
Never let me fail to act

Ok, I am beginning to think I am slightly bipolar. Although, it is usually something that sets me off....Having trouble coping with old demons.  Do ya ever have things from the past that really hurt you, crop up out of the blue and send you into a tailspin downwards ???  Not a good thing.  I guess I am better at suppressing these kinds of things than getting them out in the open.  Getting them out in the open when they are 30 years gone is a bit stupid...but here I am.  Had many bad times way back...many betrayals....many hurts....Why can I not let them go???  Just when you think you can handle things...you have your act together...people and circumstances from way back show up in the now.  These are the things I can't handle.  I wonder "why" did this show up....what is the reason.... and am I supposed to do something about it other than moodily climb down into a depressive phase.  It sends me back in time to the original hurt and betrayed trust that I felt then.  Since I have a strong belief in "everything happens for a reason",  I cannot just dismiss these things as coincidences as I do not believe in coincidence.  So what am I supposed to be doing with these things when they show up??? Talk to the original betrayer???? Lord knows that is so in the past I would look like a nut job.  So I guess we all suppress stuff.....but none of that really matters....what matters is why this sends me into a depression, what am I supposed to learn from this, what do I do with this, and how can I work thru this so I do not keep re-living the hurt every time something pops up that reminds me of these times????? I want to crawl in a hole and not come out.  I guess the bad times of the past bother me more than I wish to admit.  Some people have a way of ONLY remembering the good times.....I have trouble with that.  I am unable to do this.  So I am now officially in a depression and have no idea what to do  with my feelings.