Just for the record....all posts past, present, and future on here are the property of myself...Donna Sharon Duff, aka  Shari Duff.   Please, if you reproduce any of this material, keep in mind it is the property of myself and subject to copyright laws.  Any and all reproductions of this material must have my permission and/or my name as the author of such.  9/13/13

I'm not a debater, I don't think quick enough on my feet.  I am not an arguer, nor do I like confrontation as I prefer a peaceful environment.  I don't know all the answers to life's problems, nor would I want to.  Too much weight to bear.  I only know how "I" feel about issues and everyday life.  I do not feel the need to explain my beliefs to anyone, as they are only mine and I do not expect anyone else to believe the way I do.  I do not have to join you in your political or religious doctrines.  They are yours, not mine. I do not feel I have to explain my position on any subject to anyone but myself. I tend to be introspective, and probably to some, boring.  I am honest and I expect the same in return.  I require little in material things, but I do have my weaknesses.  I like to live simply, practice kindness, and share when I am able.  I love to listen and learn from others.  Interesting people and interesting lives add to my own knowledge base.  I am not particularly funny, but I enjoy crazy people.  I tend to be too serious; but, that doesn't mean I want to be serious all the time.  I pick those close to me carefully.  I am uncomfortable in crowded surroundings and group social situations.  I much prefer one on one conversations.  I am fiercely loyal to those I love.  I love to learn and absorb the world around me...yet stand apart from it.  I feel deeply, I cry freely, and I worry constantly about those I love.  I do not pretend to be smart, or clever, or even well spoken.  But I would like to be remembered as being a nice person.  I know my impact on the world is minimal; but to those I love it is hopefully meaningful.  I can leave no real legacy other than the fact that while I was here, I tried to be the best that I was capable of being.

Sing me a song
Make it easy and slow
I wanna hear the melody ... don't care where it goes

Sing me a song
Make it touch my soul
I wanna feel the vibrations... all the way to my toes

Sing me a song
That will stick in my heart
I wanna cry real tears...when I think of your face

Sing me a song
Only I will understand
I wanna know you were there...at the same time and the place

Sing me a song
That I will hear when you're gone
I wanna remember your touch soft and strong...cause time is too short and my love is too long

Every day before I go out the door I say a simple little prayer:

Lord, Guide my feet
Direct my eyes
Choose my route
Show me signs
Never let me fail to act

Ok, I am beginning to think I am slightly bipolar. Although, it is usually something that sets me off....Having trouble coping with old demons.  Do ya ever have things from the past that really hurt you, crop up out of the blue and send you into a tailspin downwards ???  Not a good thing.  I guess I am better at suppressing these kinds of things than getting them out in the open.  Getting them out in the open when they are 30 years gone is a bit stupid...but here I am.  Had many bad times way back...many betrayals....many hurts....Why can I not let them go???  Just when you think you can handle things...you have your act together...people and circumstances from way back show up in the now.  These are the things I can't handle.  I wonder "why" did this show up....what is the reason.... and am I supposed to do something about it other than moodily climb down into a depressive phase.  It sends me back in time to the original hurt and betrayed trust that I felt then.  Since I have a strong belief in "everything happens for a reason",  I cannot just dismiss these things as coincidences as I do not believe in coincidence.  So what am I supposed to be doing with these things when they show up??? Talk to the original betrayer???? Lord knows that is so in the past I would look like a nut job.  So I guess we all suppress stuff.....but none of that really matters....what matters is why this sends me into a depression, what am I supposed to learn from this, what do I do with this, and how can I work thru this so I do not keep re-living the hurt every time something pops up that reminds me of these times????? I want to crawl in a hole and not come out.  I guess the bad times of the past bother me more than I wish to admit.  Some people have a way of ONLY remembering the good times.....I have trouble with that.  I am unable to do this.  So I am now officially in a depression and have no idea what to do  with my feelings.

49 years ago I was 15 years old and had such a naive look on life.  I had been bounced around from foster family to foster family from the age of probably 2 or 3.  Finally at age 10 I went to live with my mother whom I loved with all my heart.  Apparently she had demons that she could not conquer in her life, and she decided to end her life at MY tender age of 15.  It left me with such a hole in my heart as well as in my life.  No idea about why, no idea about any kind of family history or past.  My father had fled the scene when I was an infant, so I knew nothing about him either.  Today is the 49th anniversary of her suicide, an act that I have such mixed feelings about.  Do we possess the right to end our own life???? Is it only for the Creator to decide???? What about those who are left behind with so many questions and so few answers???  Would I have been different had she not done this act?  What is her soul's fate????  There are those who say her soul is forever doomed.  There are those who say this is not so; but, she will have to come back and atone.  As I remember her beauty, her laugh, her anguish .... today is always hard to deal with.  Why did she choose 8 days before my birthday ????  Was it me???? Was I not enough love for her to continue on ???  I will never know in this life....but I am certainly hoping to see her again.  May her soul find peace, love, and light wherever she is.  For at 15 years old, she was my everything...... and I missed getting to know her as a person.  My daughters missed a grandmother and knowledge of a side of the family I know little about.

Rest in peace May Anne LeMond Evans...... 3-29-1912 to 1-21-1964
You will always be loved, but never understood....